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Love and Sex

There are probably as many notions and views on love and sex as there are men and women. Each one of us thinks of these two in our own unique way. There are however some common features and stereotypes that are easy to observe and categorize at certain ages.

Take for instance how adolescents view sex. For some it is surrounded with such feelings as body pleasure combined with fear. For others it is something of a scandal – what adults do with their private parts. Still others see it as something macho and fun. Any of these attitudes are quite natural and each has its own negative aspect.

A grown up adult can't ignore the issue of sex and how to relate to this activity which plays a major part in his or her health, happiness, and well being. It takes some time before a young adult gets to face the issue of sex on its full face. Given that many of our attitudes on sex come from our friends and peers – jokes, casual comments, and other such sources, it is quite an effort to face this topic and form our own independent outlook.

A common adult view is to associate sex with pleasure. There is pleasure in sex. Doing it for pleasure alone does not do full justice to the act, so it seems. The profanities confuse us even further – they make it sound like an act of aggression and violence against an individual – ‘doing it to someone'. If there is one truth about sex, it is that it is done by two people to each other, although one may appear more active than the other.

Here is what I believe is one healthy way to understand sex. That is to see it as a part of love. Love in its entirety comprises a physical part as well. In fact, the very beginning of love contains a sort of physical attraction. The young mind feels it. But does not know its destination, its culmination. Is it sex, or love? The physical basis of love is touch. Without touch, love remains unfounded; it remains in the air. The sexual act is just an extension of touching. It is touch taken to its conclusion when instincts overpower both the partners. Then both of them want to interact with each other as nature would have them. To understand only sex and not love is to see only one side of the coin.

To be fair, the above views are yet to take full root in me. I am still grappling with them. As an adult it is inescapable. It is better to have an erroneous notion on this topic than to just let it be.